Born in the USA, Held Like a Fugitive: ICE’s Kafkaesque Comedy Hits Florida
They’ve done it again. The bureaucratic brain fog that fuels the American immigration machine has managed to detain a U.S.-born citizen for the crime of… being brown while bilingual on the wrong stretch of highway.
Let’s paint the picture.
Juan Carlos Lopez-Gomez, age 20, born in the peachy heart of Georgia, was riding in a vehicle headed into Florida — you know, the state now treating its borders like an electrified moat from a medieval fantasy — when the Florida Highway Patrol stopped him. Not for speeding. Not for drunk driving. But, it seems, for existing with a name that gives Ron DeSantis indigestion.
It’s not satire. It’s Florida.
Lopez-Gomez, who speaks Tzotzil (a Mayan language, because multiculturalism triggers authoritarians), showed up to court with a birth certificate that a Leon County judge confirmed was authentic. Yes, Your Honor — he’s American. Not undocumented. Not illegal. Not a threat. Just a dude trying to get to work.
But ICE didn’t get the memo. Or worse — they ignored it.
They told the jail, “Hold him.” The judge said, “There’s no probable cause.” The Constitution said, “Hey, Fourth Amendment here!” And ICE, in its infinite rogue wisdom, said, “Screw it. We like the way he looks for deportation.”
This is where Kafka files a lawsuit for plagiarism.
Judge LaShawn Riggans — trapped in her own jurisdictional straightjacket — essentially had to shrug and say, “Yeah, this is legit ID, but I can’t stop them.” Translation: The state can’t even stop the state. ICE’s long arm isn’t just unaccountable; it’s freelance authoritarianism. And Florida’s 2023 immigration law, the one currently on legal life support, gave them the gasoline and matches.
But wait — it gets worse.
Immigrant rights advocate Thomas Kennedy, who witnessed this live-action dystopia, said what we’re all thinking: “It’s like The Trial.” Except even Kafka would’ve dialed this plot back. A U.S. citizen is now closer to being sent to El Salvador than to going home — all because his heritage tripped Florida’s state-sponsored racial profiling tripwire.
The family? Desperate. The mother? In tears. ICE? Shrugging.
The law? Temporarily blocked. The arrest? Still happened.
And Governor Ron? Golf clap. Because this is exactly what the DeSantis doctrine delivers — a system so eager to chase shadows that it tackles citizens just to say it caught something.
This is what you get when political theater becomes law.
This is what you get when paranoia replaces policy.
This is what you get when xenophobia is dressed up as security.
Let’s not forget, this isn’t an isolated case. On the very same news day, Sen. Chris Van Hollen had to go all the way to El Salvador to track down Kilmar Abrego García, another U.S. resident ICE dumped across the border by mistake — even after the Supreme Court told them not to. ICE apparently views SCOTUS rulings as Yelp reviews: “We’ll take it under advisement.”
This isn’t enforcement. It’s ethnic roulette.
And Lopez-Gomez? He just lost a spin he should’ve never been in.
Final Thought from the Desk of Justin Jest
You know who the “illegals” are here? The ones shredding due process. The ones handcuffing birthright. The ones slapping handcuffs on a citizen while the Constitution bleeds out on the courtroom floor.
If being born in Georgia isn’t enough proof you belong in America, then what is?
Raise your voice. Because next time, it could be your name, your ride, your freedom pulled over on a hot Florida highway.
And ICE won’t ask questions — because that’s the one thing they don’t seem authorized to do.
Engage below, because silence is compliance.
Comment, share, and scream. Because this madness needs witnesses.
