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Google in Talks to Invest in AI Startup, Hopes AI Can Finally Explain Cryptocurrency

In an ambitious move to demystify the enigmatic world of cryptocurrency, Google has reportedly entered talks to invest in an AI startup. The tech giant’s goal? To develop an AI that can finally provide a clear explanation of how cryptocurrency works. “Even we’re confused sometimes,” confessed a top Google executive. “We’re hopeful that this AI…

Breaking: Amazon Alexa Now Predicts and Ships Your Orders Before You Know You Need Them!

In a stunning display of technological wizardry and borderline psychic prowess, Amazon’s Alexa has now evolved beyond a mere voice-assistant. It has stepped into the uncanny valley of predicting your needs and desires before they even pirouette through your conscious mind. That’s right, in an upgrade that has privacy enthusiasts gasping and consumerists clapping, Alexa…

Breaking: Elon’s New Neuralink Update Turns Brains into Tweet Repositories!

Because Why Scroll When You Can Instantly Beam Musings into Your Mind? In an unprecedented leap that has scientists, ethicists, and average Joe’s who just learned to use Twitter, equally baffled, Elon Musk has unveiled the latest Neuralink brain chip update: TweetBeam™. Now, users can download Musk’s tweets directly into their brain, eliminating that arduous…

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VagueVisage Hits $1 Billion Valuation; CEO Harold Blankenship Puzzled About What His Company Does

In a twist of financial fate that’s as bewildering as a plot twist in a telenovela, social media startup VagueVisage is now basking in the glow of a $1 billion valuation. However, a plot thickener looms – CEO Harold Blankenship and his team are navigating the murky waters of not quite knowing what their company…

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Apple Announces New iPhone Feature: Self-Combusts When Next Model is Released!

In a groundbreaking move that has technophiles and environmentalists alike raising their eyebrows, Apple has announced an “innovative” feature for its upcoming iPhone model: a self-combustion mechanism designed to “gracefully retire” the device when the next iPhone iteration hits the shelves. “We’re all about innovation and sustainability,” said Apple’s CEO at the unveiling, while a…

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