By Justin JestBroadcasting live from the eye of the dumbest storm in America LITTLE ROCK, AR — What happens when you spend years cheerleading for a wrecking ball and then realize it’s swinging straight for your own house? Just ask Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who’s now locked in a bureaucratic slap fight with her…
By Justin Jest – Gonzo Journalist, Reluctant Realist, Connoisseur of Chaos The world is burning, the oceans are rising, war looms in Eastern Europe and the Pacific, and yet somehow—somehow—the navies of the United States, China, and Russia all found themselves floating side by side in the warm, cerulean waters of the Bali Strait. No…
By Justin Jest – Gonzo Journalist, Reluctant Realist, Connoisseur of Chaos The Federal Emergency Management Agency is on fire, but not in the way that would make it useful in an actual wildfire. The agency charged with saving American lives when hurricanes wipe out entire towns, tornadoes chew through the Midwest like a woodchipper, and…
By Justin Jest – Gonzo Journalist, Reluctant Realist, Connoisseur of Chaos Buckle up, dear reader, because this is where the American government turns into a high-speed, multi-car wreck on the highway of accountability. We have a top prosecutor resigning in protest, a climate funding probe built on a right-wing sting operation, a DOJ boss playing…
Wisconsin, that proud and pastoral state, land of cheese dreams and brats as thick as your forearm, now finds itself under siege from an unexpected foe. Look closely, if you dare, and you’ll see them—shimmering formations of hydrogen dioxide, congealed into sinister, transparent slabs of terror. You’ve probably stumbled across them already, possibly with disastrous…
Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your hats—preferably with a firm grip—because the world as you know it is about to… continue exactly as it has for billions of years. That’s right, in a revelation that will shock absolutely no one, scientists have confirmed that the Earth is still spinning. Yes, our planet continues its perpetual…
As Iceland braces for a potential volcanic eruption, the enterprising nation has begun selling tickets for what’s being marketed as ‘the hottest show on Earth’. “Why waste a perfectly good eruption?” stated a tourism official. The tickets, varying in price based on proximity to the lava, have been a hit with thrill-seekers and geology enthusiasts….
The frozen bastions of Antarctica, long thought invincible, are succumbing. A new report elucidates a stark reality – the continent’s ice shelves, those silent gatekeepers holding back glaciers from the open ocean, are diminishing. Since 1997, four dozen have retreated significantly, with 28 of them relinquishing more than half of their icy grasp. An ice…
In a breathtaking development, the global wildlife community has announced an unprecedented general strike. The message is clear: there will be no more cute antics, no viral videos, and not a single adorable photo until their habitats are restored, climate change is addressed, and respect is reinstated. Led by Roger the Racoon and Bella the…
In a twist of environmental fate that no one saw coming, the Air Quality, tired of being taken for granted, has launched its very own GoFundMe campaign to clean itself up. Fed up with the excess emissions, greenhouse gases, and that pesky pollution, the Air Quality is taking matters into its own… molecules. “I’ve been…
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