Elon Musk, DOGE, and the New American Experiment: A Billionaire’s Guide to Government Downsizing
By Justin Jest – Gonzo Journalist, Reluctant Realist, Connoisseur of Chaos
Washington, D.C. – The tech mogul-turned-government hatchet man took the podium Tuesday, wearing his usual expression of casual omnipotence. Elon Musk, now the most powerful unelected official in America, stood at the White House and assured us all that, yes, some mistakes have been made—but the grand experiment of dismantling the federal workforce would continue.
Musk, defending DOGE (a government downsizing project that sounds more like a meme coin than a bureaucratic wrecking crew), insisted his work was “common sense” and “not draconian or radical.” A fascinating assertion, considering that DOGE has been carving through federal agencies faster than a Tesla on Autopilot with a death wish.
Trump, clearly delighted with his favorite adviser’s unchecked influence, signed an executive order expanding Musk’s power—because why not? When your de facto chief strategist also owns the country’s primary digital town square, you might as well make it official.
But here’s where things get even stranger: For all Musk’s talk of transparency, the DOGE website is a barren wasteland of missing information. No clear outline of what’s being cut. No data on which agencies are on the chopping block. The updates on X (formerly Twitter, still Twitter) are about as detailed as a fortune cookie.
“Some of the things that I say will be incorrect and should be corrected,” Musk admitted, with the kind of nonchalant shrug only a billionaire can afford. But here’s the kicker—he doesn’t have to be right. The cuts are happening. The agencies are shrinking. The federal workforce is being hollowed out.
Musk has turned governance into a Silicon Valley beta test—one where trial-and-error is the rule, and if things go south, well, just push an update and hope nobody remembers the last version.
What does this mean for the country? Less government, more uncertainty, and an administration that now operates like an overzealous tech startup. Musk says he’s open to feedback, but let’s be real: when one man controls the policy, the platform, and the megaphone, who’s left to call him out?
America, brace yourself—this is governance at the speed of disruption.
