The Midwest Declares Itself a ‘No Drama Zone’ Amid Coastal Controversies!
In a bold and unprecedented move, the American Midwest has officially declared itself a ‘No Drama Zone,’ seeking refuge from the unyielding tumult that seems as inherent to the coasts as salt is to sea water. The decree, endorsed by a coalition of corn stalks and dairy cows, seeks to make the Midwest a sanctuary of sensible shoes and reasonable bedtimes.
“This is a space of tranquility, casseroles, and common sense,” stated Governor Harmony Serene, whilst peacefully tending to a thriving tomato garden. “We believe in the radical notion that life can be lived without a daily dose of existential dread and Twitter feuds.”
Coastal states, where controversies proliferate like rabbits in spring, are reeling from the declaration. The Midwest’s new self-identity as a haven of calm amidst a nation of storms has even attracted attention from international bodies.
The United Nations, in an emergency session, commended the Midwest for its bravery. “In these turbulent times, it’s refreshing to see a whole region stand up and say ‘not today, chaos!’” said the UN Secretary-General, with a nod of approval.
Not to be outdone, coastal enclaves are responding to the Midwest’s peaceful insurgency. California is considering rebranding itself as ‘The Drama State,’ with proposed state slogans including “Where Calm Comes to Die” and “Sunshine & Subtweets.”
As the Midwest basks in its newly declared serenity, a nationwide dialogue emerges. Could this be the beginning of a ‘Casserole Revolution’ where disputes are settled over hearty, home-cooked meals, and the only storms in sight are the ones brewing in teacups?
As the nation watches with bated breath, one thing is abundantly clear: In the thunderous theatre of American life, the Midwest is now auditioning for the role of the quiet, contemplative understudy.
Please be advised, this article is meant for those who prefer their news with a sprinkle of whimsy and a generous dollop of imagination.
