Trump’s 24-Hour Ukraine Surrender: The Art of Losing Before the Game Starts
Remember when Trump swore—guaranteed—that he’d end the war in Ukraine in one day? Not a week, not a month—24 hours, tops.
Well, it’s been a month into his administration’s “first day,” and we’re finally seeing his masterclass in negotiation. Step one: Give away everything before the talks even begin.
But before we get to that, let’s check in on Trump’s warm-up round—a quick prisoner swap with Russia. Because, hey, you can’t just waltz into historic diplomacy without stretching first.
America Trades a Cybercriminal for a High School Teacher
Here’s the deal: Russia freed Mark Fogel, an American teacher who was jailed for carrying medically prescribed marijuana. He’d been rotting in a Russian prison for three years.
Nice, right? Until you hear what the U.S. gave up in return:
Alexander Vinnik, a Russian cybercrime kingpin.
Yeah. That’s not an even trade. That’s swapping a mob boss for the guy who runs detention on Wednesdays. That’s the Dallas Mavericks trading Luka Dončić for a middle school history teacher who plays pickup games on the weekend.
Look, Fogel seems cool. He smokes weed. He’s been to jail. He’s probably showing The Big Lebowski in class right now. But come on—a cybercrime kingpin? What, we couldn’t throw in a Wawa gift card and a bag of Skittles to sweeten the deal?
Oh, and Americans, stop bringing weed to Russia. Just don’t go to Russia at all. If you need to relax, try not being in Russia.
Trump Picks Up the Phone—Putin Picks Up the W
Now that Trump’s got his warm-up out of the way, it’s time for the main event: Ukraine.
This morning, Trump announced he had a “lengthy and highly productive” phone call with Putin. According to Trump, the two discussed:
- Ukraine
- The Middle East
- Energy
- Artificial Intelligence
- “Various other subjects”
Oh, sure. Various other subjects. That’s what you say when your wife asks what you did in Vegas. “Oh, you know, played some blackjack, saw a Cirque show, did some… various other things.”
Trump’s Opening Move: Give Putin What He Wants
After this “very productive” call, Trump’s Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth (yes, that Pete Hegseth—the Fox News bro who once threw an axe and hit a guy) took the stage in NATO headquarters and dropped two major bombshells:
- Ukraine is not getting into NATO.
- Ukraine is not getting back all the land Russia stole.
In other words: Before negotiations have even started, the U.S. has already surrendered everything Russia wanted.
That’s not how you negotiate. That’s how you get divorced 97 times. Imagine going into a settlement and saying, “Okay, you get the house, the car, the money, the kids… I’d just like to keep half of the dog.”
Germany is already calling Trump out for handing Putin a victory before peace talks even begin. But at this point, Trump doesn’t care. He’s not negotiating Ukraine’s future—he’s selling it off.
Ukraine’s Not Even Invited to Its Own Peace Talks
Now, you might think, “Well, surely Ukraine gets a seat at the table, right? It’s their war, after all.”
Nope. When asked if Ukraine was an equal member of the peace process, Trump’s team gave the worst possible answer:
“Hmm… that’s an interesting question.”
Yeah, that’s what your girlfriend says before she breaks up with you. That’s not what you want to hear when you’re the country being invaded.
Ukraine’s fate is being decided behind its back, like a corporate merger where the employees find out after their key cards stop working.
Trump’s Final Take: ‘Not a Good War to Go Into’
And then there’s this. When asked about Ukraine’s future, Trump dropped this gem:
“I think they have to make peace. Their people are being killed, and I think they have to make peace. I said that was not a good war to go into.”
Not a good war to go into? THEY DIDN’T GO INTO IT. They were INVADED. That’s like blaming Poland for “entering” World War II.
But that’s where we are. Trump promised to end the war in 24 hours. Instead, he’s handing Ukraine over to Putin before negotiations even begin. This isn’t The Art of the Deal. It’s The Art of the Surrender. And at this rate, by the time Trump actually meets with Putin in person, the only thing left to negotiate is what color rug they’ll roll Zelensky up in before tossing him out a window.
