When Banning Voting Machines Becomes a Genius Infomercial
How a plan to brand Dominion voting-machine components as threats fizzled into a chip audit with no evidence.
In the latest episode of “What Could Go Wrong?” in the Election-Fixing Soap Opera, we meet Kurt Olsen—a White House adviser with a penchant for paranoia and a corkboard full of dreams. Olsen concocted a plan to categorize Dominion voting-machine components as national-security threats, aiming to get these devices banned in over half the U.S. This ambitious plan didn’t just miss the runway; it barely made it out of the hangar.
The idea gained traction from a familiar yarn shop—the theory that foreign actors, possibly from Venezuela, had hacked into the heart of American democracy. But, in a move that the best screenwriters would consider predictable, this tale emerged almost entirely from fringe conspiracy chatter—not a single fleck of evidence to back it up.
Olsen’s excitement grew tentacles. This plan bounced through official channels like a rumor with a gym membership—reaching the Commerce Department and even catching the eye of intelligence aides. But like the infomercial promises of yesteryear, what was under the sparkly tin foil disappointed. When technical teardowns were conducted, they revealed nothing more sinister than globally sourced, but otherwise unthreatening, computer chips.
The plot thickened, or rather thinned, when the Commerce Department had to decide between evidence-based reality and staying tethered to spectacle. They opted for reality, finding nothing worth banning. As a result, the plan collapsed back into the basement of conspiracies, leaving Olsen with a mountain of unsold suspicions and a lot of metaphorical string.
This fiasco offers a lesson for the average citizen navigating the complex web of voting fraud rumors in family group chats. Remember, panic sells better than truth, but be sure to check under the hood before trading your trusty sedan for the shiny illusion of a flying car fueled by hearsay. The receipt—facts—cannot be outshone, even by the most dazzling of conspiracy spotlights.
So, next time you hear a wild tale about voting machines threatening national security or Roombas taking over the world, take a cue from the Commerce Department: check the chips before you dip into panic. Because, in the end, suspicion makes for a dramatic ride, but the thrill wears off once the spectacle fades and everyone’s chips are still running perfectly fine.
Sources
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