May Day at the Billionaire Assistance Desk

At the economy’s public help desk, a worker arrives with stalled wages, health-care costs, a reduced pension, and a paycheck already nibbled by deductions. The clerk slides over another form: “Please prove this bill is a character-building experience.” A billionaire calls the other line and gets transferred straight to “market confidence.” May Day at this desk means one thing: workers’ need is a burden; the wealthy’s help is routine maintenance.

The billionaire-side file arrives pre-approved: tax breaks, corporate welfare, bailouts, and a market-up claim stamped +28.4%, with the calendar conveniently missing. Walmart, Amazon, JPMorgan Chase & Co., and ExxonMobil appear in the corporate-side landscape—not as proof any one received a particular benefit, but as names in the argument about concentrated wealth. The absurdity isn’t that people need help. It’s the two service standards: a queue and paperwork for workers, a direct line for the people already holding the cake.