Trump’s Cabinet Confirmed: The Foxes Have Officially Taken Over the Henhouse
Ladies and gentlemen, the United States Senate has spoken—or rather, it has rolled over and let Trump scratch its belly. On February 12, in a 52–48 party-line spectacle, the GOP-controlled Senate confirmed Tulsi Gabbard as Director of National Intelligence, followed swiftly by Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Health Secretary, because why stop at one apocalyptic personnel decision when you can have two?
Tulsi Gabbard: America’s Newest Spymaster… Somehow
For those just joining this fever dream, Gabbard was a Democratic congresswoman who somehow ended up more at home on Fox News than C-SPAN. Her qualifications for running America’s vast intelligence apparatus include:
✔ A strong TikTok presence
✔ Skepticism of U.S. foreign policy that borders on admiration for certain authoritarian regimes
✔ An impressive ability to get booked on Joe Rogan’s podcast
With a résumé like that, it’s no surprise that when Trump needed someone to oversee America’s spy agencies, he thought, “How about the person who’s been kinda vibing with Russia and Syria for years?”
Concerns? Oh, there were concerns.
- Intelligence officials nearly choked on their coffee when her name was floated—because, you know, she has zero experience in intelligence.
- She once called Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy a puppet while defending Russia’s “legitimate security concerns” in the region.
- Her foreign policy stances have made her a darling of anti-NATO circles, which is exactly what you want in the person in charge of America’s spy network.
And yet, only one Republican senator had the backbone to say ‘no’ to this nonsense—and that was Mitch McConnell, who apparently hit his term limit on enabling bad decisions and decided to go full “old man yells at cloud” about it.
Trump’s GOP: All Aboard the Yes Train
The speed at which the Senate confirmed Trump’s picks should concern anyone who believes in the concept of deliberation. Not that we expected much resistance—this isn’t “checks and balances” America, this is “checks to Mar-a-Lago and balance in Trump’s favor” America.
The confirmation of Gabbard wasn’t even the weirdest part. That honor belongs to:
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.: The Man Who Thinks Vaccines Are Mind Control Is Now Running Public Health
Because America hasn’t suffered enough, the Senate also confirmed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Secretary of Health and Human Services, which is like putting a Flat Earther in charge of NASA.
- RFK Jr. believes vaccines cause autism, 5G microwaves are part of a sinister government plot, and COVID was a targeted bio-weapon.
- His own family thinks he’s “dangerously unhinged”—which, considering they’re Kennedys, really says something.
- As of today, the Centers for Disease Control is now run by a guy who probably thinks polio was just a deep state hoax.
Trump celebrated both confirmations like he’d just won a reality show, calling it “a historic day for America”—which is true if you define ‘historic’ as ‘catastrophic.’
What This Means: Trump’s Senate is Rubber-Stamping Madness
- Trump isn’t picking ‘qualified leaders.’ He’s picking loyalists. This is government by MAGA mad libs, where the only thing that matters is total submission to Dear Leader.
- The GOP is completely Trump’s party now. They couldn’t even muster the courage to oppose an intelligence chief with sympathetic views toward Russia or a health secretary who thinks Big Pharma and Bill Gates are conspiring to microchip your bloodstream.
- American governance is now a game of ‘What Could Go Wrong?’ What happens when Tulsi gets caught leaking intelligence to the Kremlin by accident? What happens when RFK Jr. decides vaccines are illegal?
At this rate, Alex Jones will be running the FCC by summer, and the Surgeon General’s official guidance will be “Just Drink More Milk.”
Welcome to 2025. The crazy train has left the station—and the conductor is having a full-blown acid trip.
