“The Packers Won Every Game in the Multiverse, But the NFL and Lions Rigged It!”—An Interview with Former President Donald Trump on the Packers’ Stolen Victory
By Justin Jest
In a series of revelations that rocked both the sports world and the very fabric of reality, former President Donald Trump declared that the Green Bay Packers, led by none other than his cosmic influence, have actually triumphed across all dimensions. It’s not just this game, folks. Trump argues that the Packers have already won every game, forever. But according to him, a league-wide conspiracy of “fake scoreboards” and “Lions trickery” has stolen this indisputable glory.
With a decisive glint in his eye, he hinted at what he believes should happen next for those who dare to oppose Packer Nation.
Jest: “Mr. Ex-President, thank you for joining me today. You’re saying the Packers didn’t just win—they achieved a victory of universal proportions?”
Trump: “Absolutely, Justin. The Packers didn’t just win, they crushed it. I’m talking about record-breaking yards, touchdowns, scores so high they’d blow Einstein’s mind. But these Lions, and the NFL, they don’t want to see a Packer victory. They don’t want to see us winning, folks. So, what do they do? They bring out fake scoreboards with phony numbers, and they try to steal our victory.”
Jest: “The scoreboard…you really think it’s just an outright lie?”
Trump: “It’s a total sham, Justin. Everybody saw it, everybody knows it. I’ve got some of the best, smartest people—Nobel Prize winners, very serious people—telling me that the Packers put up millions of points. Some are saying 130 million points, maybe 260 million. And then suddenly, they flip the scoreboard, and we’re supposed to believe the Lions won? No way. Not gonna happen.”
Jest: “So, you believe there’s a plot against the Packers?”
Trump: “Oh, it’s bigger than that. This is a coordinated attack on real football, on real fans. I mean, we have these traitors out here—Packer Fans in Name Only, these PFINOs—who are going along with it. They’re saying, ‘Oh, maybe the Lions won,’ like they’re some kind of authority. But real fans know what’s going on. Real fans know the Packers won this game and every game.”
Jest: “You’re saying that you personally played a role in this victory?”
Trump: “Of course! I mean, people don’t understand—I was on the field in spirit, passing, rushing, scoring more points than the NFL can count. Billions of points! The team came to me, they said, ‘Sir, do you want us to take over?’ and I said, ‘No, I got this.’ Because the NFL? They’re a joke. They’re rigging the system against us. They couldn’t keep up with my football IQ.”
Jest: “But Mr. Ex-President, what would you say to those who still believe the scoreboard?”
Trump: “I’d say they’re part of the problem. And frankly, Justin, I think it’s time we did something about these people. We can’t just let them run around rigging games, disrespecting real fans. Maybe it’s time for a tribunal, you know? Maybe we need to get these anti-Packer people and make sure they know we’re serious.”
Jest: “A tribunal? What would that entail?”
Trump: “Oh, it’s simple. I’m talking about a real look at these officials, the scoreboard riggers, the Lions themselves. Let’s find out who’s behind this. And frankly, I think there should be consequences. Very serious consequences. Maybe even a firing squad. Just to make sure people understand, this kind of theft—this rigging—won’t stand.”
Jest: “You think these officials, even Lions players, should face…that level of consequence?”
Trump: “Absolutely. Because this isn’t just about football, Justin. This is about America. This is about protecting truth, and Packers fans know what’s real. If we don’t act, who’s next? They’ll come for baseball, for NASCAR, for everything we love. We can’t allow it. The Packers won, they won everything, for all eternity. And the NFL will pay for what they did. This is about sending a message.”
With that, Trump rose, eyes blazing, and offered one final decree: “The Packers didn’t just win this game, they won all games, forever. And no scoreboard or Lions fan or NFL official can steal that from us. If they try, they will face the consequences. Packers forever!”
In the Trumpian cosmos, the Packers aren’t just victors—they are eternal champions. And if anyone should challenge that, they’d better be prepared for a tribunal led by the man himself.